The-Last-Sea-Serpent

  I don’t need to conduct bomb checks under the Pope’s bed before he falls asleep every night. Nor do I need to check his closet for assassins. Such checks made it harder for his Holiness to fall asleep. Furthermore, the Inquisition’s job is to ensure that any would-be bombers or assassins are captured well before reaching the bedchambers. Regular fire drills are very important, but holding them twice a day is a bit excessive.   The same applies to bomb drills, storm drills, flood drills, gas leak drills, earthquake drills, volcano drills, and kaiju attack drills. Storing nonperishable food in case of emergency is all well a

I must resist the urge to play “The Imperial March” whenever Lord Cain walks into the room. The same applies to “One Winged Angel”. I am not allowed to feed Guderian dog food. It doesn’t matter if he actually likes dog food; Guderian is a lycanthrope, not a dog. I am forbidden from clicker-training Gunderian. Or Dietrich.   Or Lord Cain. Suleyman’s ring is not his “Precious”. Nor is it “the One Ring to rule them all” I am not the rape child of Alucard and Rip van Winkle. Lord Cain is “Mein Herr”, not “Herr Major”. Dietrich is not Walter C. Dornez. Cardinal di

  1.) I may no longer borrow Lady Caterina’s shampoo. 2.) No matter how silky, shiny, and strawberry-scented it makes my hair. 3.) No matter how hungry I get, I must not eat wild mushrooms. 4.) Because Cardinal di Medici is only going to buy the “allergic reaction to ibuprofen” excuse once. 5.) Nor am I permitted to beg. 6.) Even if women always fall for my “puppy eyes”. 7.) Father Tres is authorized to shoot me in the crotch if I ever ask to him to dance “The Robot” again. 8.) Under absolutely no circumstances am I allowed a credit card. 9.) Or a debit card. 10.) Or a checkbook 11.) I am no